What is messing with my head
by TheGreenEyedRioN
Summary: Finally with proper breaks in it. Natsuki is now in graduating class-reminding her of Shizuru, of whom she didn't hear anything for a while. Does this affect her? please note that I'm not a native english. Necessary to read 'Teasing my Natsuki' to understand the whole story
1. Distance

**well hope you'll enjoy.  
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**I don't own MY HIME...Sunrise does.  
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><p><em><strong>'So long...how long?...why do I not remember?'<strong>_

"NA-TSU-KI! Hey you moron-were you even listening to me?"

"Ma-MAI! what did you just say?" _**' Damn I need to focus or she will never teach me maths again...'**_

"Baka. If you are taking Mai's time from me you should better listen! Mai I really am hungry." Mikoto starts to get aggressive.

"Mikoto, why don't you go and buy some food so I can make dinner for the three of us later?" Mai uses the softest voice she has.

"HAI-HAI! Mai has to make Ramen!" She leaves the room in such a hurry that even Natsuki was surprised.

"It's nearly been a year, huh? With us learning for our final terms it must be hard for you not to think about her, isn't it Natsuki?" Mai is smiling gently toward her.

"Eh?" blushing "No, NO I wasn't really thin-"

"Come on, Mikoto-chan is gone and I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Let's continue with maths." _**'I really have to change the topic, but am I this easy to read?'**_

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><p>"We are studying since morning and still you don't seem to get anything."<p>

"Th-That's not fair Mai! It's just maths that I'm not good at!" _**'Come to think of it, I've never been good at maths even when I tried very hard'**_

"Say Natsuki, how did you manage to get to school with this space hole in one of the most important subjects?" Mai looks desperately around, noticing that Mikoto has fallen asleep on the couch.

_**'how did I...Shizuru. She was always there to help me. She didn't get desperate like Mai, or did she just hide it?'**_

"Must have been our ex-kaichou if you start dosing out like this."

"Hm." Natsuki nodding lightly

"When did you last hear from her?" Mai again using the softest voice she has.

"I guess it was in October or so." _**'This is really uncommon. Mai-chan barely uses this voice with anyone except Mikoto'**_

"That's already half a year ago...Why didn't you try to contact her, maybe something happened?"

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><p>"Thanks for studying with me and also making Ramen. Have a good sleep."<p>

"You too Natsuki. And don't be afraid. I definitely won't tell anyone that you were crying on my shoulders" Teasing yet with this caring look she smiles at Natsuki.

"BAKA!" _**'What in the world was I thinking by telling her all those things. I don't even know why I am feeling like this right now. Why doesn't she leave my mind?'**_

Natsuki is entering her room with light tears in her eyes. _**'Baka! BAKA! why am I feeling so alone? Where are you Shizuru? Why did you leave me like this? I don't care if you're dead!'**_ Natsuki throws her shoe through the room and you hear a something break. She is even more angry now and walks over to the place the noise came from.

_**'Darn what did I break this ti-'**_ She shrieks down starting to cry even more.

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><p><em><strong>'Why-why this one?'<strong>_ She gets a flashback.

"Ara, Natsuki. I have something for you."

"Why? I don't want it anyway. You already gave me your ribbon-didn't you? What meaningless thing is it this time?" turning her head from left to right and crossing her arms.

"As cold as ever Natsuki. You can make me shiver with just your words."

"DON'T SAY SUCH EMBARRISING THINGS"

"Here, it's a picture of us. You remember, right? It was taken about a week before the carnival started. I liked the atmosphere in the student council room. If only things wouldn't have turned out the way they did."

"You really wish that? I mean you sure seem to never regret things." turning her face coldly away.

"It's late, I have to catch my train." Red eyes full of sorrow turning towards the academy.

"Shall I give you a ride?"

"Nah, I have to walk to calm my thoughts."

_'Again speaking such embarrassing things right out. You really are a fool Shizuru.'_

"Ne, Natsuki? Can I give you a call sometime?"

"Do what you want, you always do that."

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><p><em><strong>'How could I know that this time would be different? Oh right- I have to safe the picture and find a new frame for it. It really is a nice picture. I really liked to go to the student council room. It was always quiet there, and warm, and she...'<strong>_ Natsuki starts crying again.

_**'I have to**_ _*sobbing*_ _**I have to distract me...Let's see-some videogame should do.'**_

Natsuki falls asleep on early morning after she played all night. Dreams are catching her mind. They were all different but the ending was the same. Every time Shizuru died in an accident but the worst of all dreams were the last one: Shizuru committed suicide.

As Natsuki wakes up she realizes that she has sweated so much that it feels like she is in the bath. Before she could do anything about it she passes out.

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><p>"Oi, Natsuki. Are you feeling better? I found you in your apartment this afternoon."<p>

"Mai, where are we? What is this smell?" speaking with a very low voice.

"At the hospital. You had very a high fever and the doc said that you maybe hadn't eaten properly the last days. You should have eaten dinner with Mikoto and me everyday." looking at Natsuki worried.

"Maybe I really didn't eat enough. The mayo is empty, you know." she tries to smile.

"Could this really have been a joke? Out of your mouth? that sure is pretty rare, you know. You really must be sick, maybe I should call the doctor again."

After a while they stop their laughter.

"You should be fine now by yourself. Get some rest, I have a club meeting in an hour."

"Ah, right. The Cooking-club can't go without it's president." teasing her a little.

"Stop talking so snotty! I should make you come to the club after you're out of the hospital so you can learn how to eat properly!"

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><p><em><strong>'I am drifting away again. Seems like I really do have a fever. Shizuru...I miss you. I really do.. <strong>_**"Shizuru"** _*moan*_ _.__**...**__**Shizuru you have to stop touching me...I said stop it...Shi...zu...ru...don't go...Shi'**_ "zuru" _**'I need you'**_ "Shi..zu" A tear rolls down Natsukis face.

"Wake up. Ara, Na-tsu-ki. You have to wake up, you're having a bad dream." Shizuru leans over to her, gently wiping away the tear.

_**'Is this another dream? A dream in a dream, I feel like I'm watching Inception...Shizuru I'm alone...'**_ "I am all...alone" starting to lightly wake up.

"Ara, I wouldn't say I am all alone when I'm having a visitor. This could offend people, you know. How are you feeling? Mai told me you were in a pretty bad shape this afternoon." Smiling with her ~everything is fine~ smile as if no time has passed between the two of them.

"Shizuru...you are really here..." drifting away a bit.

"EEHH? WHAT _*jumping into vertical position*_ ARE YOU DOING HERE?" speaking pretty loud.

"I am visiting you. You know that you can't shout out so loud at evening in a hospital. And what's with that face you're making? You actually look kinda funny at the moment. Did I disturb you while you had a private dream?" Shizuru is looking deep in dizzy green eyes.

"What I meant is why you are here as in why you are at Fuuka...baka. And what's with that teasing about a private dream?" starting to lose her balance.

"Careful." Catching her arm and pushing her back in the bed. "I have a semester break now so I thought I should come here and help you with your studying. You know, you were never that brilliant in maths."

"You disappear for more than half a year and now you act like nothing happened. You said you would call me." _**'Oh no. Did my voice just shiver? Please, doesn't let her notice.'**_

"You wanted me to call you?" Watching Natsuki with passionate eyes.

_**'H-how did I get in this..I gotta say something'**_ " I missed you." _**'Did I just say tha-'**_

"Ara, Natsuki really must be sick. I really missed my Natsuki too, you know." perfect smile again.

"You always called me so I thought you would at least let me know that you are still alive."

"So Natsuki was worried that I would be dead? How could I leave my Natsuki behind?"

"Stop calling me as yours..." getting a stubborn expression on her face.

"Gomene, Natsuki. You should try to get some sleep, you are sick after all. Else your temperature might rise again."

_**'No don't...not yet. She'll just disappear again. How do I make her stay? Just how...'**_

"Shi-Shizuru. C-Could you stay the night. If- If I gave you a kiss, w-would you stay?"

Her heart is pounding out loud.

Shizuru leans over to her, looking at her pale lips. Natsuki is starting to shiver.

_**'I said so-this is not her fault but-but I can't relax. She has grown again I think...but she is as beauti...WHAT in this world am I thinking. She is going to kiss me-my heart it's pounding so much'**_

Natsuki closes her eyes and opens her mouth a bit. The next she feels is Shizuru lightly kissing her forehead.

"I already paid for Natsukis single room. You didn't notice that it's not the same as this afternoon? Ara, would you like me to join you in your bed?" a little teasing.

"Your only going to be perverted. Don't you?" looking her in the red eyes.

"Nah-I don't want to catch whatever it is Natsuki has, but I thought that my arms and chest would be smoother than your pillow."

_**'You don't seem to know that YOU are my sickness, Shizuru...'**_

"Then I make some place for you. Maybe you also can rest some in this bed." letting Shizuru take her in her arms. "I feel dizzy again. I might fall asleep soon."

"Go on. I'll keep the nightmares from you." using a very gentle voice.

"You know, you were moaning in your sleep earlier, while you said my name. Who is the perv?" whispering in Natsukis ear.

"EEHH? NO I didn't! I'm sick so I sometimes have to gasp that's all- and I didn't call your name!" screaming.

"Ara, ara. I must have heard something wrong. Just relax for now. Let's sleep." a slight laughter.

_**'I said it out loud. OMG! I...what was I dreaming of? Shizuru was ...touching me. My chest, my - for god sake I feel the sleep coming over me washing those thoughts away...'**_

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><p><strong>hope you enjoyed ;)<br>**


	2. Am I being replaced?

**Sorry about the big delay. School takes most time from me. I always write it on paper but I am a bit lazy about tipping into the pc.**

**hope you all enjoy Part 2!**

**My Hime is owned by Sunrise...*sob*  
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><p>"Good morning Natsuki."<p>

_**'I hear Shizurus words like they come from a far, far distance. Is it really morning already?'**_

"I have to get up. Natsuki should sleep a bit more and eat breakfast here. The doctor was here quite a while ago. She said that you're allowed to go this noon. I'll go to your apartment and prepare it for you. If I may take a shower at yours and get into some other clothes?" her voice is low but clear and lovely.

"Feel yourself at home. You can also grab some clothes of mine." _**'I can't see any bags and I don't want her to go home at her apartment. There are a lot of notes and letters I left her there just in case she would have stopped by there. Foolish- she may have already been there.'**_

"Ara, Natsuki is spacing out. I said Haligato a minute ago. You should let me get out of bed now." she shows her usual smile but there's a glare in her eyes that is only reserved for Natsuki.

Looking down to her arms Natsuki realizes that she holds Shizuru in a tight hug. "Ah...gomene." starting to blush

"Ara? Natsuki blushing sure looks cute." using her teasing voice. "I really have to go now or I won't be able to pick you up later."

"You're gonna pick me up?"

"If Natsuki doesn't want me to that's also fine." her smile still remaining but the shine in her eyes fading away.

_**'Damn. She got it wrong. How do I explain myself without sounding excited or cute...work brain! WORK!'**_ "I don't want you to go in the first place." _**'Hurray. You just made yourself look like a total lovebird. Ahrg- I start to get as dump as her.'**_

"Natsuki's speaking funny things when she's sick. Since when did ~you get so straightforward?" the shine is coming back to her eyes.

"That is because I have to say those things before you leave me again." shrinking her arms in front of her.

"Gomene Natsuki. But I never meant to hurt you by disappearing. I'll be on my way now. See you later." walking away very fast.

_**'Natsuki you are a total FAILURE! How could I let her go away like that?' slapping herself mentally 'Shizuru, it's just the fact that I really do need you.'**_

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><p><em><strong>'Ah- I fell right back to sleep after breakfast. It's already 11:30 am. She's supposed to come and get me already.'<strong>_

The door opens with high speed. Natsuki looks at the door with passionate eyes, just like she would wait for some celebrity to enter.

"Eh? Natsuki-chan! You don't have to give me that look. You should keep it for that red-eyed-devil." Mai standing in the door with Natsukis leather-jacket in one hand. 'I have to stop blushing. I am the owner of my body. I tell you not to blush.'

"What are you doing here, Mai? Shouldn't you be at home studying?" tossing her face away from Mai.

"How rude! I came to pick you up." making a grimace.

"Shizuru is going to pick me up, or so I thought." her voice suddenly starts shaking.

Mai recognizing Natsukis sad face. "Don't worry. She is downstairs. She told me to pick you up here while she pays for your room." her voice is very soft now. "We were buying food earlier together. I thought you would like us to cool for you-extra mayo for you of course! Shizuru also offered to help us with our studies tomorrow."

"Oh...okay. So you're going to come with us home." Natsuki using a flat voice.

"Nah. I told Nana and Mikoto to go to town to do some shopping. I will meet them there after Shizuru and I got you in the car." caring yet a bit rude "Don't worry, you two will have time alone. Be sure to thank her for cleaning up your apartment."

"Stop sounding like a mother! And don't say stupid things like You'll have time alone together." loud and rebellious.

"Gomene, gomene." Mai trying to hide her laughter at Natsukis angry face.

"growl...And who is this Nana you left Mikoto with?" ' I have to change the topic now really fast.'

"Oh. Didn't Shizuru tell you? She's her friend actually, not mine. They're living together. When I told Shizuru yesterday evening that you're in hospital she ran of directly."

_**'A running Shizuru-no way! And I missed that...'**_

"Well, Nana stayed with me then. She is pretty nice and she really has a cool fashion style." Mai looking a bit dozed away.

_**'Why the fuck is she praising someone that much? She usually never does that.'**_ "Hm. I should get up then and get dressed."

While dressing Natsukis thoughts wander off. 'Who the hell is that Nana? Shizuru has enough money so why would she share something with some other gir- don't tell me she actually is her girlfriend?'

"growl" Natsuki stripping on her Jeans. _**'Calm down. I mean even if she is you should be happy for Shizuru. She finally found someone to love and eventually love her back, unlike myself. Most people, no, nearly all people lose interest in me after a while- I should be used to it by now. But why does it bother me so much this time?'**_

"Could you hand over my jacket, Mai?" growling more than actually speaking.

"here. I take your bag."

"I can carry it on my own, don't worry."

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><p>Down in the entrance hall Natsuki catches the view of Shizuru who is putting her credit card back into her pocket.<p>

_**'Rrrr...Why does she always pay for my mistakes?'**_

"Mai-san. Would you take Natsuki to my car." looking at Natsuki now "Hand me over that bag of yours, would you." using a soft voice with a slight ordering tone.

"See, I told you to give me your bag before." Mai said proudly.

"growl. Here Shizuru, but I think I could carry it myself."

_**'Why can't I speak up against her? It wasn't a problem to speak up against Mai a few minutes ago.'**_

"Mai-san, be careful, she seems like she's about to tremble." ignoring Natsukis presence.

"Don't speak like I can't hear you two!" starting to tremble. 'Shit. Why does she know that my feet are weak? Damn you Shizuru!'

Natsuki sits down in a black BMW. _**'She's got a drivers license and a car. She really looks like a grown up sometimes. Pffft...I still have a cool motorcycle. But that outfit too-all black and business like. Wait-why doesn't she wear some of my clothes?'**_

"Mai-san. Please take a seat. Ill drive through town so you can get earlier to Mikoto and Nana-chan." giving her a light smile.

"Thank you. Ah, Reito-san asked about you in his last letter-I'll bring it with me this evening."

"Haligato." A light shine in her face.

_**'Ah...that Reito. I just don't like that guy.'**_

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><p>"Oi. There are Nana and Mikoto, what a coincidence." Mai happily.<p>

Shizuru stops the car on the last free parking lot in the street. A tall girl starts running towards the car. Mikoto is following her a bit slower. As Mai leaves the car to hug Mikoto the tall girl uses the opportunity to lean herself in the car through the open door.

"Ara, Nana-chan? Gomene about leaving you so suddenly behind yesterday."

Natsuki sees a bright shine in Shizurus eyes while she feels a sudden heartache.

_**'I thought she said it by coincidence earlier but she really addresses her this non-formal. She doesn't even address me like that. Why do I feel like I got hit in the face...'**_

"Oi Shi-chan..." Nana with a big smile.

_**'EEH? No. No this is pure horror. Why, tell me Shizuru. Why do you love this girl. I mean she's not ugly- in fact she does look good with her own boyish style, but she is so different from me. Is this the answer? Do you have enough of me? This hurts, I'm about to cry. Why? I am the ice princess. I don't cry.'**_

"I said it three times already. I'm not mad at you. Now get the hell out of this traffic and I'll see you later. I'm looking forward to cook with you and Mai." Nana finishing with a big grin.

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><p>As they arrive at Natsukis apartment the latter doesn't even realize that they're already right in front of her home.<p>

"Natsuki looks like she dozed out. Ara, is that a tear? Did you dislike me driving that much?" teasing as ever, yet a bit shocked by the look on Natsukis face.

"Sorry. I just felt my body hurt a bit." Trying to sound like she's better now. _**'I feel like I'm losing you after all these years. I just got you back yesterday and now I feel this distance between us.'**_

Natsuki gets herself out of the car but is stopped moving as Shizuru picked her up.

"Shi-Shizuru! What are you doing? You don't have to carry me. I really am able to walk by myself." blushing very hard.

_**'My heart - it's beating so fast. I feel so heavy.'**_

"Nah, I really like carrying my princess Natsuki. Also it feels like carrying my bride over the doorstep, you know." not the slightest bit ashamed of what she just said.

"Shizuru! Stop talking like that!" with this her face is even blushing harder than before.

END PART 2

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><p><strong>hope you enjoyed it. <strong>

**R+R  
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hope you enjoyed. POV of Shizuru hopefully up this week too.


	3. Realization

**I got rid of my mother...so I just finished this quickly. I try to update more often but I guess the chapters will be about this lenght. It's a good thing. You get chapters more often and I am able to write them in the gaps that my real life leaves ;)**

**I don't own Mai Hime, and seriously there isn't enough yuri in it so it couldn't be made by me.**

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><p>"Would you like to rest on the couch or would you prefer taking a shower?" Shizuru uses a soft voice as she breaks the silence in the room. She still has Natsuki on her arms looking at her blushed face closely.<p>

_'Why is she so damn sexy up this close. And why can't I just tell her that? I need to cool my head.'_

"I guess I need a shower." Natsuki giving her just short answers now.

Shizuru carries her to the bathroom.

"Wait before you change. I'll get some clean clothes for you to wear and also a towel." Shizuru speaking in a low voice, trying to avoid Natsukis stare and leaving the room hastily.

_'She seems shyer than back then. She is so beautiful it's not a big surprise that she has someone else. That Nana...is she good to her?'_

Shizuru enters the bathroom again. "I picked your tracksuit. Thought it would be nice to wear something comfy."

_'She...the buttons...h-her chest it...I can see her bra, it's a pretty baby blue. Cool...you need fresh water...just keep calm.'_

"Ah-um...Ano Shizuru, I- the shower..." Natsuki more stuttering than speaking.

"Oh- kannin na, Natsuki. I'll take my leave immediately." Turning on her toes Shizuru nearly jumps out of the room.

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><p><em>'She seems confused, maybe she is just as nervous as me. But I guess she gets even more nervous around that Nana.'<em>

Natsuki starts to strip herself, trying not to look in the mirror to avoid her pale face.

_'Water, cool, fresh water.'_ She fights against her anger about Shizurus new friend and maybe more.

As she feels the water on her skin she decides to have a hot shower, not a cold as planned. She feels her muscles relaxing and her mind going blank.

_'Wait- NO! Keep yourself up...My circulatory...Shizuru-SHIZURU!'_

"HELP, SHIZURU, ahh...please..." Natsukis voice cut through the air like daggers through Shizurus heart. Natsuki hears Shizuru footsteps stopping in front of the door.

"Na-Natsuki...What's wrong?" Shizurus voice is shaking.

"Shizuru, please. I can't stand anymore..." Her voice seems more like a whisper while she's pushing herself against the wall.

"Should I call Mai, or is there someone else I-" Shizurus voice sounds panicked and Natsuki starts to tremble slightly.

_'Even if there were someone else, I only want you-can't you see that. I want you now and I wanted you back then. I just didn't know.'_

"Shizuru, please...You're the only one who can help me."

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><p>As she bumps the door open Shizuru finds Natsuki in the shower. She holds herself up only by pushing hard against the wall.<p>

_'Stop looking at me like that. You'll get me even more confused.'_

"What am I supposed to do?"

_'Touch me.'_

"Just help me stand, please it's embarrassing..." her voice is shaking yet there is a typical blush on her face.

Shizuru quickly walks over and pulls Natsuki to herself, away from the wall.

_'She held me only five minutes ago and yet it seems my body collapsed because he missed yours, Shizuru. Her clothes...my shampoo leaves marks...I can see her bra through the shirt.'_

"Your getting stained. My shampoo seems to be bad for clothes..." Natsuki looking everywhere but not in Shizurus eyes.

"We should get that off of you-I try to grab the tow-" Shizuru gets quickly interrupted by Natsuki.

_'No-don't pull away.'_

"Ah...No! I need that shower, please just...can you..."

Shizurus eyes widen in shock as Natsuki starts to unbutton her shirt.

_'What in the world am I doing all of a sudden? Other voice in her head: Keep going, finally you're acting like you feel.'_

Natsuki throws the shirt out of the shower, her gaze never leaving Shizurus chest.

_'I am a perv and I didn't know it till now. Wait what if that Nana...'_

"Ano...Shizuru. Is this ok? I mean Nana, does she mind? Please don't say you two..."

Her hands wander to Shizurus back, softly trying to undo the bra and totally failing.

_'I'm so excited that I can't even open a bra?'_

"I only have my Na~tsu~ki." Using the thickest Kyoto accent anyone could use. "But I think you are a little out of your mind. Natsuki normally knows best how to undo a bra since she is a lingerie addict."

_'Great she noticed it- wait, was that my permission?'_

"Shizuru...I...ano-" ***Klick*** Shizurus bra snaps open and Natsuki hastily throws it out of the shower.

_'I'm finally serious about this. I want you.'_

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><p>Shizurus eyes widen in shock as Natsuki captures her lips with her own. Natsukis kiss seems desperate, begging for more. <em>' I want you...'<em>

They stop as a tear falls on Natsukis cheek.

_'She's crying. She HATED IT!'_ "Gomene Shizuru, I didn't want to make you cry- I... ano..." Natsukis eyes are full of emotion and her cheeks slightly red.

This time Shizuru is the one to act. She pulls the slightly smaller girl closer and puts their lips back together. Soon her tongue starts asking for entrance by tingling Natsukis lower lip. _'This is better than in my dreams. She tastes like tea, sweet green tea and honey...Must be because of all the tea she drinks.'_

Soon Natsuki opens her lips, giving Shizuru permission to enter. Their kiss develops, from desperate to slow as both of them try to find the right rhythm.

Still their tongues are having a fight about who is the leading one. Natsuki pulls away, gasping for air and Shizuru starts to overflow with emotions.

_'Damn she is such a good kisser. How should I compare to that? I wanna touch her more, make her forget the ones that touched her before me.'_

"Your jeans." Natsuki breaks the silence.

"Ara?"

"It's in the way...in my way." Her cheeks becoming more and more red as the seconds go by. A short look from crimson to forest green and back.

_'I want more of you.'_

Shizuru quickly softens the grip on Natsuki who takes the invitation and opens the button of Shizurus jeans. As Shizuru feels Natsuki tremble slightly she pulls her back into a tight hug and starts a new kiss. After a few more moments of fighting for dominance Shizuru finally wins and deepens the kiss. Pushing Natsuki back against the wall to keep balance as she starts to strip her jeans down and throws it gracefully, well as much as someone can do that gracefully, over to the basin.

_'BEAUTIFUL. That panties, they're similar to ones I have.'_

"Your panties?" A bright like tomato blush on her cheeks.

"Kannin na, my Natsuki. I didn't expect someone to see." This time Shizuru was the one to blush.

"No-ano...I have the same ones, just blue, not purple. I didn't know they were so pretty in purple. Seems like you have a better taste." Green locking with crimson.

"Arigato, but I think they would look a lot better on you." Her eyes wandering from Natsukis eyes down to her abdomen. "I change that, I prefer Natsuki like that."

_'And I want your panties to vanish. You can't tease me right now.' _

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><p><strong>as always, tell me what you think, I appreciate critism, both good and bad.<strong>_  
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_**S-Shizuru; N-Natsuki; R-RioN (me)**_

__**S: Na~tsu~ki, did you hear the author told about our privit things.  
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**N: WHAT? *Natsuki death glare*  
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**S: YES, in the outtro of my 3rd chapter...  
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**R: gome, but I just told them the truth.  
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**N: and who allowed you to?  
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**R: I already said I'm sorry but you know it's hard to write if you do what you do and you know what you do because you do.  
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**S: Is that jealousy?  
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**R: HELL NO! You know I have this cute girlfriend and I need time to write so I write when she's not with me but you keep...TEASING ME!  
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**S: fufufu  
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**N: AHH you two! you seem just like siblings sometimes! Go back to work RioN, and stop making me weak.  
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**R: *Whispering* I'm not making you, you are weak in front of her...  
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	4. It's the medicine

**Yeah...still alive. just started university and all. I would like to tell you how my computer broke down or something but it would be a lie. I totally got lost reading other amazing fanfics on my mobile. Actually you weren't the only ones that got ignored, my pc felt lonely too.**

**Anyway, hope you all enjoy reading and aren't too mad at me. You won't be if I leave cookies behind, right? **

**Disclaimer: I actually would like to own it but we all know it isn't the case. What I do own is a tattoo of the HiME-sign (in green 3).**

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_'What is this feeling? I'm so tired, yet I'm this restless inside. I'm lying on something soft...could be my couch. Open up eyes - gah - open!'_

As Natsuki slowly opens her green orbs she is met with the sight of her living room. Thrown over her is nothing but a blanket. She starts lifting up her upper body to search the room, for what she can't determinate.

_'I'm on my own? Where's Shizuru then?'_ As she tries to sit straight up the blanket falls off. _'N-Naked? What happened? God, try to remember, will you. I was...taking a shower, yeah right. Then I started to feel dizzy and KISSED Shizuru?! OMG, I really did kiss her, right?'_

Natsuki is startled by someone standing beside her.

"Heya, sorry patient. Didn't mean to scare ya, yano. I was lookin' for Shi-chan, you've seen her?" Nanas eyes starting to search the room for any sign of Shizuru before they focus on the half naked girl in front of her. "Wow, nice goodies you 'ave there. I do appreciate a hot naked girl, but yeah - you should cover yourself. One thing I did learn from living with Shizuru is that you japanese girls are a bit, well...prude compared to us Germans at least. Or maybe it's just the place where I grew up." She gets lost in thoughts and finally starts to laugh her ass off.

As Natsukis brain finally catches up with what just happened she shrieks out loud and pulls the blanket up as fast as she can, successfully removing it from her lower body.

Nana immediately turns around and starts to take off her own hoody.

"Here, cover yourself. Should be big enough to cover your whole body, at least to your knees.

Then maybe we should head to your wardrobe." Nana sighs but there is a smirk on her face that Natsuki can't see.

After two more minutes of silence Nana tries to break it again.

"Well, lost ya tongue or somethin'?"

"N-No, I just -" _' am highly embarrassed? Shit.'_ "I'm not used to be seen like that."

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After putting on some baggy clothes while Nana looked for Shizuru in the other rooms of Natsukis flat they reunite in the kitchen.

Nana stands by the door to the backyard, turning from Natsuki to look out to the garden, she finally asks her,

"So...you've got like, no clue why Shizuru's not where she's supposed to be?"

_'Except from running from me? Shit. I can't remember what happened after the kiss. Must be the medicine. Damn!'_

Finally she answers, "I can't remember." _'Where are you Shizuru?'_

The silence is broken again after 10 minutes by Nanas cell. Rammstein starting to play.

"Oh, it's a message from Shizuru. She's at her parents, seems like they called her over for tea. All of her relatives are tea-junkies, huh? Says she'll stop on by her flat on her way back and brings some pots and pans 'cause she couldn't find suitables at yours."

She puts her mobile back into her hoody pocket.

"And...why does she need pans?" Natsuki asked with a relieved voice. _'At least she IS coming back.'_

"Dinner tonight. Shi-chan and Mai-chan are cooking for us, but they won't tell what they do."

She rubs her belly with her right hand while having a huge smile on her face. "I love it when she makes dinner, and what I heard from Mikoto Mai-chan is a goddess in the kitchen too. Even Mikoto wants to help. I promised her she could help me make salad. Oh, and for dessert I'll make us some german flan. You like vanilla?"

_'Wow. Didn't know everyone was coming, or did I forget?'_

"Err...yes. Vanilla. Good."

_'Always getting lost in my head lately. Shit, don't do it again!'_

"You want something to drink?" Natsuki looks up to meet Nanas eyes.

A smile crawls back onto Nanas face. "Finally found your hospitality manners after nearly an hour?" Natsuki starts to blush fiercely. "Don't worry." Nana laughs. "I'm just teasing you. Just realized why Shi-chan likes to tease you so much."

_'Oh, don't remind me of it, her...fuck. Now I'm thinking about her lips - again!'_

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**This time no jokes but something very important, especially for those of you who don't read my companion piece 'Teasing my Natsuki'.  
><strong>

**There have always been details revealed by reading the other PoV, but of course there will be scenes they spent apart from each other.  
><strong>

**Only reading one fiction doesn't make sense anymore at this point of the story.  
><strong>

**There is a, what I call chronological way of reading those two fanfics.  
><strong>

**"Best way" would be like this:  
><strong>

**a) chapter 1 of 'What is messing with my head?'  
><strong>

**b) chapter 1 of 'Teasing my Natsuki'  
><strong>

**c) chapter 2 of 'WIMWMH?'  
><strong>

**d) chapter 2 of 'TMN'  
><strong>

**...  
><strong>

**Also I will upload in the chronological order and announce if there will be some changes.  
><strong>

**For those of you who still want to read only one PoV, well...have fun guessing the rest ;)  
><strong>

**RioN  
><strong>


	5. Still a chance?

**What's up crazy people?!**

**Seems like I'm having a good run atm, so I will definitely use it, even though I fear that it will lead to a massive writers block again.**

**Since it was my birthday last saturay I hadn't enough time for uploading over the weekend. Hopefully there will be a new chapter up on thursday. That should be one to 'Teasing my Natsuki'.**

**Disclaimer: So here we are again. We all wuld love to own it, but I don't.**

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"So, how did you met Shizuru?" Natsuki's interest still piqued.

"You mean you wanna know what happened in her life since last summer, huh?" Nana's smirk firmly in place. "Well, I met her at UNI in Tokyo. I had a hughe fight in the cafeteria. This prick was hitting like constantly on me. Said things like germans don't need to learn japanese and such. Most of the time I didn't even understand what he was sayin'. Shizuru was gracefully walking down the way and well, as she stopped beside me she told him to be quiet and think about how undisgraceful his behaviour was and that he was indeed not priviledged to use his native language. He totally shouted his anger at her, but she just stayed calm. When he rose his hand to hit her I tried to get in between but I was just as stunned as him as she stepped out of the way and behind him in such a fast movement that he hit one of the professors walking by. He got exspelled immediately."

_'So she hasn't lost her fast reaction span from the carnival.'_

"And the two of you became fast friends like that." Natsuki stated.

"Yupp, kinda saved me when I was lost." Nana replied honestly.

_'I know how that feels. She's good with such things.'_

"So, how 'bout you and me kill some time. You could use some fresh air and I definitely need a smoke. Wanna head for a walk?" Nana's face lighting up at thethought of some nicotine.

"Yeah, sure. There's a nice park, not far away from here."

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As they walked slowly along the path to the park, Nana keeping a close eye on Natsuki in case she should tremble they start to get to know each other a bit better.

"So your real name is Hannah? I like it. Why don't you use it?"

"'Cause I think it's too long. I like Nana as a nickname. When I finally could bribe my parents to send me to Tokyo I thought it was appropriate to introduce me like that.

After taking a long drag from her cigarette, Nana decides to deepen the conversation.

"Shi-chan told me a lot about ya, ya know. When she offered me to move in with her I noticed a picture of you two and started to ask questions. I don't know what your feelings for her are or if you even think about this topic at all, but ya should know, that there are a lot of people that fancy her at university. She never made a move though. I think you know why that is. I don't want you to force yourself into anything, ya should be careful though. If you hurt her, you'll have to face me. We look out for each other, ya know." Nana flicks the butt of her cigarett away.

_'If only you would know how much I think about her. I would never admit it, but I felt lost without her. I still feel lost just cose she's not around. Shit, if only I knew what happened in the bathroom. I just can't remember.'_

"I do, " _'love her' _ "I do think about it." _'And if you tell the truth Nana, then maybe there's still a chance for us.'_

"Hm...Let's head back. I did notice a playstation in your living room, after all." Nana's voice was back to her normal, unheavy self.

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"So, beating me at Mortal Kombat? You can try..." 'BUT YOU WILL FAIL'

"Ya wouldn't be hard on a beginner, would ya?" Nana replied cheerfully.

They started battling and Nana won the first round easily.

"Oi! You tricked me! You're definitely not a beginner!" Natsuki's bite was hard.

"I WAS! A year ago..." Nana's smirk crawling back on her face. "Even Shizuru brought up more of a fight!"

"Sh-Shizuru playing video games?!" 'NEVER'

"Duh, she does! Can't get enough of Resident Evil, you should see her!"

_'What happened to my Shizuru?!'_

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They played some more and to Nana's shock, Natsuki won most of the battles.

When both didn't feel like beating each other anymore, they switched to watching TV and started talking a bit more. That's how Mai and Mikoto found them. As Nana noticed the bags Mai brought with her, her interest was picked.

"What d'ya have there? Hopefully somethin' nice to spend the time."

"HAY!" Mikoto answered immediately. "We brought some card games. Chie and Aoi wanna come over playin too! Even though Chie's not coming for dinner. Can't understand why not." Her eyes looking for Mai's.

"She's been invited to have dinner with Kazuya, silly." Mai stroking Mikotos hair.

"Eh?! Chie-san? On a date with Kazuya?" 'How long have I been in hospital again?'

"You wouldn't be that shocked if you'd be in school frequenty." Mai scolded.

"You should go to school more often Natsuki, after all you could go to university. Maybe in Tokyo?" Nana broke out into full laughter at seeing Natsuki blush.

_'Why is everyone always teasing me?!' _

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**Funny times with ShizNat... S- Shizuru, N- Natsuki, R- RioN (aka myself)**

_**'thoughts'**_

**N: Ano, Zuru...do you like going on holidays? **

**S: _'Ahh...Natsuki at the beach/ pikini-clad Natsuki/ Natsuki in the pool/ Natsuki in a wonderful queen sized bed and all we need can be braught by room-service'_**

**N: Zuru?**

**S: Ara? Gomene Natsuki, I got lost in my thoughts. Yes, of course I like going on holidays, very much so.**

**N:_ ' YEAH! Snowboarding, Climbing, long snow trips. That will definitely be the most exciting adventure holiday I've ever been to. OH, maybe I can rent a __sleight!'_**

**S: Ara, ara. Is my Na~tsu~ki now lost in her mind?**

**R: 'Good thing only we can read both of their thoughts, huh?'**


	6. Friends stick together

**Heya! Sorry I got kinda lost. You know, RL and now christmas is on the way. Well biggest problem was that I lost my motivation (again). So give all your Thanks to Lunier cause she kinda brought me back by faving and alerting.**

**Oh and before I forget: Got myself a twitter account RioNxAmy. Feel free to make me update via it oh and you can also answer the question at the end of the chapter there or PM me ;)**

**So finally the dinner chapter in Natsuki's PoV. Actually this was the first scene I had in mind when I decided to write this fanfiction.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing has changed...still don't own Mai Hime.**

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_'So here we are. Mikoto running all up and around my flat, Nana chatting away with Mai. Seems like they're all heaving fun. Well I'm just sitting around, lost in thoughts. It's not like I'm allowed to stand up and walk around, that makes thinking kinda hard for me. Shizuru should be on her way back and I haven't figured out if those flashbacks I have are real or not.'_

"Ne, Natsuki. Shizuru and Aoi should arrive soon. Are you hungry already?" Mai asks me with a smile.

"Yeah. Sure. Food."_ 'I can't focus right now.'_

"You should know one thing though, Natsuki-" Mai starts but doesn't finish.

_'Zuru, tell me what happened...NO can't ask like that. Maybe like- oh, Mai is looking at me again. Did she just say something?'_

"What?" Natsuki asks while blushing slightly.

"I said-" Mai takes a deep breath "there is no Mayo left in your house."

"Are you kidding me? Noooooo. Shit-"

"Hey! Don't speak like that in front of Mikoto! She shouldn't start acting like you." Mai scolds her.

"Why do you think she would act like me?"

"Well, you are kinda like her role model. She started behaving like you some time ago. Do you remember when you gave her that bra? I can assure you it's her favourite piece of clothing. And I won't start with her new obsession with bikes."

_'Wow, that's something that I didn't see coming! Always thought she hated me.'_

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Natsuki had to admit that she liked the way things turned out. She was never the "friends"-typed girl and would definitely never admit that she loved to be surrounded by people, she was the lone wolf afterall. _'Guess that's all thanks to you, Shizuru.'_

As they continued with the light chatter they had before the doorbell rang.

_'Oh, shit she's here and I still haven't figured out what to say!'_

Nana stood up from the couch, heading towards the door.

She reappeared shortly after with a casual dressed Aoi in tow.

"So, seems like the only one that's missing is Shi-chan."

Aoi looked over to Nana like she had just grown a second head. "By Shi-can you mean the Kaichou?!"

Before Natsuki or the others could say something Shizuru appeared behind her.

"Ara? Is everyone talking about me? I know I'm kind of late, gomene. But I did bring the things from my apartment oh and some Mayo for Natsuki, I think yours was empty."

Shizuru finished her sentence with her typical smile.

_'Don't look at me like that when I can't even remember the last 3 hours correctly.'_

"Err...thanks."

"So, now that the cooking team is complete we'll head over to the kitchen and start and Natsuki and Aoi can choose the games they want to play later." And with Mai's statement they left for the kitchen in unison.

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It took them quite a while to prepare everything but as the table was right know filled from one end to the other with delicious looking and smelling food the hard work was totally forgotten.

They chatter was giving a nice atmosphere but Natsuki didn't catch up on most of the things. How could she when the object of her desire was sat directly opposite of her?

Aoi had brought some wine with her and th only ones that didn't really drink were Mikoto and of course Natsuki who would still have to take meds for the next two days. Mikoto didn't seem to mind, maybe cause she wasn't the only one not drinking it.

What Natsuki did recognise was the lack of attention she got from Shizuru, who was mostly chatting away to Aoi.

As everybody was finished with dinner Nana stood up slowly, glancing between Shizuru an Natsuki a smirk grew on her face. "So, why don't Aoi and I go out and get some more booze while Mai and Mikoto do the dishes? I'm sure Shizuru and Natsuki need some catching up time, right?"

_'So there it is, my chance.'_

Shizuru shot an angry look over at Nana. "I don't think it is fair to let Mai and Mikoto-chan do all the clean up, Nana."

_'__And just like that it's gone...__Nonononono. Shit- what can I say to that?'_ "Ano, I would like to have some time to catch up, if you don't mind of course, Mai?"

"We'll do the dishes, right Mai? I could do it alone if you want?" Mikoto sprung to life just like that.

"Of course I'll help you, Mikoto." She turned around and headed for the kitchen, "Oh, and why don't you ask her for some help with school? You have some work to do after all. She was one of the best in her year."

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Once left alone silence fell upon them. Natsuki didn't understand why all of a sudden she was against the silence they always shared. Before the carnival she never spoke that much to Shizuru, she kept shtum. Of course she didn't want to drag her into the whole Hime-mess. She has to laugh when she thinks back to that time. She was a naïve brat at that time and not to forget selfish. She always thought back to why she never saw Shizuru as a Hime._ 'I guess I couldn't think of her as an enemy to begin with.'_

So here they were, silent and uncomfortable. _'A shame I can't even burst up my courage with booze.'_  
>"Ano, Zuru...there is something I need to ask you. Please, um...err. Today, I mean before in the bathroom. I err..."<p>

The room felt like someone just sucked out all the air and seconds felt like hours.

_'Zuru, are you tearing up? Why would you cry. I've barely seen you cry since I know you.'_

"Gomene, Natsuki. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable, I swear. It all happened so fast. I can understand if you are mad at me. It was a mistake, I let my feelings take control of me again and I'm ashamed of myself. I should have stopped you." Shizuru took a big mouthful of her wine.

'Damn, this is going in the wrong direction. But it did happen afterall.'

Shizuru leans over to place a hand atop Natsuki's.

"Don't Shizuru."

She immediately removes her hand and Natsuki looks shocked to her now abandoned hand.

"Not that, Zuru. Stop apologising. That's not what I wanted. You know, I'm the one high on medicine." _'Shit that's also the wrong direction. Why do I have to be so damn nervous?__'_

"Shizuru I-"

"HELLOOOOOO! Chie is finally in the house. What did I miss?" Chie bumps into the room just like that.

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After they were interrupted like that they didn't get the time alone they needed. Desperately.

Nana and Aoi arrived with two bags full of booze and they started to play through all the board-games that Mai had brought with her. At least the awkward feeling was washed away, and as the others began to get really drunk Natsuki noticed that Shizuru would look at her from time to time, mostly with a smile attatched to her face.

_'Is that the alcohol or did you get what I tried to tell you in that moment?'_

While they played the time ran away. Chie had to tell Natsuki everything about her date with Kazuya, of that Natsuki made sure. It all felt like it was a totally normal evening for the whole lot of them. Perhaps that was what made Natsuki agree on going out with them on friday, even though Mai would definitely drag them to a karaoke bar.

_'And I will have sorted everything out before friday cause Shizuru agreed to help me with my studies. Just got to have some faith, I guess.'_

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**So, what do you guys out there think of this? There is the nice button that motivates me a lot ;)**

**The big question now is:**

**Do you guys want something, well "carnival" like to happen? I mean like some action in it, maybe a new big bad in town? I would focus mainly on the already introduced characters (plus Haruka and Yukino of course cause they're hilarious) and "leave out" the rest of them.**

**OR**

**Do you guys feel like keeping this as it is. This ending is already kinda planned out. It would mean that I focus on the two of them getting what they want (or not *evil laugh*).**

**Either way there will be Shizuru's parents involved.**

**So PM me or better yet discuss it with me via twitter, I would love that (=^_^=)  
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**Funny times ;)**

**R: I'm kinda looking forward to let you girls sing your heart out to the readers. This will definitely be a new writing experience.**

**S: Ara, my Natsuki singing for me? That will be lovely. Will we dress up again?**

**N: Absolutely not! Please RioN, Show mercy. Don't do that to me!**

**R: We'll see. **

**S: *laughing***

**N: YOU TWO ARE PURE EVIL! You could be twins! UH, that would be kinda...**

**S:...nice.**

**R:...cool.**

**N:...CREEPY!**


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